Setting Boundaries after Babies

Kristin Held Wheatley, PharmD, BCOP
Clinical Pharmacy Specialist, Pediatric Oncology and Infectious Diseases
Program Director, PGY1 Pharmacy Residency
Lehigh Valley Health Network
Allentown, PA

Chung-Shien Lee, PharmD, BCOP, BCPS
Associate Professor
St John’s University College of Pharmacy
Queens, NY

“I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time.”
— Oprah Winfrey

Many of us are overextended and this feeling can be magnified when starting a family. Here, two clinicians share their perspectives on navigating a new normal. And, you may find their advice about balancing—rather than juggling—your home and work lives useful, even if you aren’t preparing for a baby.

Kristin Held Wheatley, PharmD, BCOP
I used to define myself by my job and volunteered for every opportunity that came my way. I was one of the first to arrive, the last to leave, and frequently took my laptop home to work some more. That was until the unexpected happened—I was expecting.

At the first nurse visit they estimated my delivery date. My mind immediately calculated three months from that date, and I was relieved. I would be back from leave before my current Post-Graduate Year 1 (PGY1) residents graduated and would have time to prepare to onboard the incoming residents. And so began my preparation for the time I anticipated being away.

My best advice is to be realistic with your priorities, both professional and personal. I have a passion for giving back through leadership roles within professional organizations. However, one role no longer aligned with my professional goals or interests. And while I struggled penning my resignation, it was freeing. Shortly after, I was offered a leadership opportunity with a different organization that excited me and would open doors for me in the future. But I was nervous that my upcoming leave would place unnecessary hardship on the committee chair. To my surprise, the current leadership shared in my excitement and were happy to carry the weight while I was gone.

I had to follow a similar mentality when preparing for my maternity leave and the list seemed endless—what needed to get done, what would need to be covered, and who was going to cover it? I started asking for timelines when they weren’t provided. Some were clarified, others were hastened, and some were flat out refused! Yes, I HAD to learn to say No. I provided an alternate contact or quickly sent my thoughts, but it was complete shift in mindset for me. I’d like to say I was able to accomplish everything on my to do list before I went out on leave but that was impossible, and everything was left standing despite my departure!

I always knew I’d return to work full-time. I love what I do too much to step away. My greatest struggle has been getting comfortable with less progress. I’m responsible for drop-off and pick-up and I’ve had to transition leaving my desk no later than 5 p.m. for a 5:30 p.m. pick-up. There are times when I must take things home, but my laptop is left at my desk more often than it travels back and forth. I’ve decided to prioritize my family rather than burning the midnight oil on deadlines that will be replaced by new ones the next day. There will continue to be an ebb and flow between work and home responsibilities, but I’m committing to being present at home and keeping work at work as much as I can.

It is possible to be both a good clinician and an involved parent—though it has required adjustment!

Chung-Shien Lee, PharmD, BCOP, BCPS
Like Dr. Wheatley, I too was often overly ambitious with my work and career. It was the norm to work extended hours and take work home with me. I looked forward to volunteering in numerous committees and organizational activities. This all changed after the birth of my first child.

For most of my professional career, I’d often plan and juggle things around work, but for the first time in my life this was no longer the case. I learned quickly that I would now have to juggle things around my family.

Setting boundaries was a new skill that I had to fine tune. For many of us who are motivated and ambitious, taking a pause or slowing down in our careers is a big adjustment. In the initial months approaching the due date, I anticipated taking a brief pause and being able to resume business as usual. However, this was not the case; and the pause ended up being longer than initially planned for many reasons. Many projects and manuscripts I was working on needed to be delayed. I could no longer catch up on things at home during off hours like I usually did.

Having recently welcomed my second child, my approach was different the second time around.

My advice to anyone who is adjusting to both a career and family life is to live in the moment. When you are away from work and spending time with your family, be there mentally and physically. This is a challenge for many of us, including myself still, but the attention you provide to your kids goes a long way.

When expecting, I’d encourage new parents to hold off on starting anything new or overextending yourself. This is a good time to prepare for the new addition and the adjustments to come. Many workplaces are now offering paid family leave, which I highly recommend taking. Luckily for me, the second time around I could take this leave, which has helped in some ways draw the boundaries when not physically at work.

“Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”
— Dolly Parton