From Skeptic to Believer: How an oncology pharmacist, mom, and recovering workaholic learned to embrace integrative medicine
Jill S. Bates, PharmD MS BCOP FASHP RYT-200
Associate Professor of Clinical Education
University of North Carolina Eshelman School of Pharmacy
Chapel Hill, NC
PHASER Pharmacy Program Manager
Department of Veterans Affairs
Durham, NC
During an overwhelming season, my entire family came down with influenza. When I got sick, I hadn’t even recovered from an earlier upper respiratory infection. I suffered classic symptoms of influenza; except, non-classically, I continued to cough after my fever, aches, and chills subsided.
I coughed and coughed. I was not able to breathe. As an avid runner, as you can imagine, this was problematic for me. If I could not run, I could not keep my body and mind healthy. I slowly unraveled and this leaked out into the physical realm. Insomnia. Digestive issues. Injuries. Worst of all, respiratory issues. I couldn't breathe, and truly, when you can't breathe, nothing else really matters. I felt desperate.
I was referred to a pulmonologist after multiple months without getting better and I was diagnosed with reactive airway disease from influenza, and eventually, asthma. I started medications to control my symptoms; at one point, I was on five when previously I was on none. Initially, the medication helped me breathe, but over time, I felt worse with each dose. I discussed this with my doctor.
A Resilient Mindset
I was not improving like I thought I should, I explained. I am not sure I am on the right medication, I reasoned. I did not understand biologically what was happening with my body. My doctor replied, “I think you are a woman who has been relatively healthy your whole life. Now you are not as healthy as you once were and you cannot handle it.” Gut punch. These were painful words, especially as a healthcare provider myself. It seemed the system that I worked within was not supporting me. Feeling as though I was out of options, I decided to try integrative healthcare approaches.
I was reading the book “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. A clinical psychologist, Van der Kolk believes that trauma is residue from the past as it settles into your body. “When people are traumatized, they become afraid of their physical sensations, their breathing becomes shallow, and they become uptight and frightened about what they’re feeling on the inside. Yoga opens you up to feeling every aspect of your body’s sensations. It’s a gentle, safe way for people to befriend their bodies, where the trauma of the past is stored.”1 He believes trauma is a somatic issue; it’s in your body. This is what brought me to yoga.
Former Dancer Drawn to Yoga
A dancer in my youth, I was immediately drawn to yoga postures. As a runner, I also needed a complementary athletic plan to prevent injury by building strength and re-gaining lost flexibility. I did not heal effortlessly or overnight. My journey to health took a tremendous amount of time and effort. But I owned my story and it taught me that my health is multidimensional. I know my body best and it is no one else’s job to take care of me, but me. I do have control over my body, mind, and spirit, and I need to slow down so I can listen to what all of me has to say. Integrative healthcare practices, like yoga, are not unfounded and can support overall well-being. Personally, practicing yoga gives me the ability to be still and connect with God; with Jesus, my ultimate source of rest.
As a professional, full-time working mom of two young children, my life is busy just like yours. Unfortunately, I have all the tendencies that can lead to a frenzied busy state: Overwhelm, compassion fatigue, burnout, and ultimately, illness. Maybe you can relate? Yoga helps me let that go and grow in quiet strength. I started Chill Pill Yoga (CPY) to share the practice of yoga with busy professionals, like pharmacists. These days we hear so many suggestions to breathe, engage in yoga, be mindful or meditate, but how does one do that? I hope to share content that provides a playbook. CPY is new and I hope this community grows over time.
On the yoga mat, I find a place of peace, of wholeness. My story led to a concession that rest is an essential component of sustain-able self-care; it is needed to create white space for the soul. On the yoga mat, I can leave all my type A tendencies behind and be still. Connecting with my practice off the mat, I made several changes to my professional lifestyle. I engaged in an iterative process of evaluating how I spent my time and whether this reflected my values. I made changes where there were discrepancies. I created honest boundaries that honor my limits, and I made a conscious decision to focus on the process, not results. When it comes to compassion fatigue, I strive to live the adage “the best defense is a good offense.”2
Connect with Chill Pill Yoga
Please visit chillpillyoga.com. From there, you can sign up for the newsletter, take a live-stream class, or start following CPY on social media.
REFERENCES
- Kripalu center for yoga and health. https://kripalu.org/resources/how-yoga-helps-heal-trauma-qa-bessel-van-der-kolk [accessed 9/30/2020].
- Compassion fatigue project. https://www.compassionfatigue.org/TheTenLawsHealthyCaregiving.pdf [accessed 9/30/2020].